With apologies to Dr. Seuss and to the Grinch.
Every voter in Blueville liked voting a lot.
But Trump, who lived inside the Beltway, did not.
Trump hated fair voting, the whole ’20 season!
Now please don’t ask why, though we might know the reason.
It might have been that he feared a big loss,
Or because his career goal was “authoritarian boss.”
He’d need four more years for that south border wall,
But his base was just simply two sizes too small.
With his penchant for falsehoods and his bent for deflection,
Trump hatched a plan to undermine the election.
Staring down at his phone in his ill-fitting coat,
He tweeted some lies about purloined mail-in votes.
He knew all the MAGAs, the thin and the broad,
Would retweet his tweets, proclaiming “Mail-in voter fraud!”
“They’ll be posting those memes!” he said with a grin.
And he Tweeted “VOTER CHEATING!” again and again.
But the experts debunked him with data and stats:
“There’s minuscule mail-in fraud, GOP or Democrat.”
Trump feared every state would continue its plan
To allow mail-in votes for every woman and man.
He drummed his small fingers, furrowed his tangerine brow.
“I must stop this election from happening! But how?”
With election approaching, though, Trump was concerned.
“I must get those votes! Even votes I’ve not earned!”
Then he got an idea. An awful idea!
Trump got a wonderful, awful idea!
It was a perfect idea, the best idea ever.
A terrific idea. (Trump was stable and clever.)
He growled, his small fingers on his Twitter feed drumming,
“I’ve got a way to keep Election Day from coming!”
I know just what to do, Trump laughed to himself.
I’ll DELAY the election— put it up on the shelf!
“This pandemic’s convenient,” he said with a grin-
“Covid’s no hoax if it helps me to win!”
“Pooh pooh to Blueville,” Trump was Trumpily humming!
“My tweets will prevent the election from coming!”
“Delay the election,” his tiny hands twote.
“Until people can properly, securely, and safely vote???”
But then he heard a sound rising over the land…
Cindy Lou Pelosi, her pocket Constitution in hand.
“Just a reminder, should you expect a delay…
This little thing here says it won’t be that way.
“Only Congress can choose to postpone the vote.”
(And the tiniest of groans came from Donald Trump’s throat.)
“If there’s no election, you sorry old pup,
On one-twenty, twenty-one, your current term will be up.”
“And then what will happen is what you dread most…
The Democrat-led House will choose who gets the post.”
And what happened then? Well, in Blueville, they say
Trump’s small, cheating heart… Well, it just stayed that way.
Trump Suggests Delaying the Election | Bloomberg Politics
[2020-07-30]
President Donald Trump suggests the U.S. may need to delay the election |
CNBC [2020-07-30]
